dirty yet honest thoughts inside my head

I remember having a bad dream of us.
But i cant recall the dream.

Somehow, i can feel something bad is happening.

Wake up from dreaming of the worst thing that possibly could happen to my relationship. Dan untuk pertama lali (seinget aku), terbangun dlm keadaan nangis terus lanjutin nangisnya.

What makes it even harder, I cannot share my boy about it. I have to keep it to myself. Cause he has other important thing that already keep his mind stressful, and I dont wanna distract his focus.

Dan walaupun bukan yg pertama kali nya, aku makin sadar, kita ga mungkin bertahan klo keadaannya gini terus. Karna nasib ga bisa berubah secepat itu. Mungkin keajaiban yang bisa.

Now that I’m almost finish my college, the deadline is coming closer.

I love you..
But, I dont think this will work..

You say you will call me. But you never do.
You say we are gonna have nice talk if I wait for more hours. But we never have it.
And now,
You say you will marry me in two or three years..
Somehow, I still have faith you will fulfill that promise at least..

Dont fly my expectation that high..
I cant rely on you that much..

I have a lot of things to share about 2013, but i dont really in the mood to write. So yeah, to summarize it, my 2013 only involved my boyfriend and our rocket.

Meanwhile, a lot of stuff will be going on 2014. KKN, PPL, and thesis.

This hour next year, what kind of new year eve i’m gonna have.
Lame as hell lie today?
Or fuxking awesone, like 2012?

I feel miserable.

Good thing to end a year and start fresh.

30. December 2013

Awkward season 3 ep 8 - 9

For what i can say, I totally can relate my story a year ago to what Jenna feels about her heart-swing.

Ohmygod, so many things in this series i can relate to my own. The difference is she still in high school, while I was turning 21.

Punya penyakit moodswing kronik bukan hal yg menyenangkan. Apalagi kalo ditambah sm sifat ga sabaran.
Siapa yg paling dirugikan klo lo punya sifat kyk gini? Pacar.

Yup, i’m type of person who hard to hide my badmood face. My boy will know it right away. And i dont wanna him to know what’s causing that face because i even realize the reason is stupid but i cant help it.

So far, my boy is handling it right.
I mean, if he knows when to apologize, ignore, strikeback, or make fun of it.

But still, it is not a good habit. There will come a time where my boy is finally sick of my mood swing and left me alone.

I really need to work on my mood and patience. I dont wanna be someone i hate.