dirty yet honest thoughts inside my head
20. August 2014

If my ex is reading this, he will definitely laughing his ass off

14. August 2014

You dont have to do this.
I dont want us to be like this.
I know things have been fucked up between us, and it is very awkward ever since.
Cmon that’s just a stupid things happened in the past. I do believe none of us mean what we said at that moment.
So cmon, let things be as we used to.
Dont make such a fuss over thing we both know only caused by temporary emotion.

I love you,
I hope we can go back to the old us

My mom always says that God is near, God is watching so dont make any sin.
But I always think that ‘but at least God wont say anything to anyone’ which is nice for me

11. August 2014

whenever I see young people achieve something proud-able on the news,
sometimes, I wonder, can I become one of them if only my parents trust me enough to pursue my dream?
well, I have my passion in art. music and dance.
i can do several traditional dance since i was 12, but my mom decided entering dance club is no use for my future.
i asked my parent if i could take music class when I was 16, again they say it is worthless.
I am not saying i can be some pro if I join dance club or take music lesson
but at least, i wouldn’t be this boring.
who knows I could be one of this dance club who go abroad?
who knows I could join a cool band and win many festival?
I would never know, because my parent wont let me try.

maybe, if I try a bit harder, I can join some youth exchange or something
but then, I realize, I lose my hope and passion.
my parent is lack of appreciation, i could never be their pride.

I wont fully blame my parent to make me become this lazy-ass, passion-less, unmotivated person.
I dont have that ambitious. I live in my on real world.
I dont expect to marry a diplomat, or high class guy.
i lose my hope to follow my passion.
so yeah, here I am, struggling to help my boy achieving his dream.
at least, I know how it feels to be proud of myself for I’ve done.
at least, now, i have my new dream that i know still possible;
to be a full time mother, part time fashion entrepreneur, part time teacher (depends).

well, que sera sera. I am doing my best as I can to achieve my happiness.

I remember having a bad dream of us.
But i cant recall the dream.

Somehow, i can feel something bad is happening.

Wake up from dreaming of the worst thing that possibly could happen to my relationship. Dan untuk pertama lali (seinget aku), terbangun dlm keadaan nangis terus lanjutin nangisnya.

What makes it even harder, I cannot share my boy about it. I have to keep it to myself. Cause he has other important thing that already keep his mind stressful, and I dont wanna distract his focus.

Dan walaupun bukan yg pertama kali nya, aku makin sadar, kita ga mungkin bertahan klo keadaannya gini terus. Karna nasib ga bisa berubah secepat itu. Mungkin keajaiban yang bisa.

Now that I’m almost finish my college, the deadline is coming closer.

I love you..
But, I dont think this will work..

You say you will call me. But you never do.
You say we are gonna have nice talk if I wait for more hours. But we never have it.
And now,
You say you will marry me in two or three years..
Somehow, I still have faith you will fulfill that promise at least..